Saturday, December 13, 2014

Free Book! Star Wars, Star Trek, Twilight sendup. Who is Luke and Leia's real father?





What happens when Twilight Saga vampire Edward Cullen meets Darth Vader meets Vulcan Spock? That question is answered in this parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek. The book contains space fights, vampire bites and romantic nights with a Jetti Knight, Werewolf, Vulcan and Vampire love triangle.

 It asks the age old questions: Can a Jetti knight find love with a Klingon vampire? What if Chewbaca was a werewolf? Will Edward defy his vampire instincts and satisfy his desire in a different way with Padma, Princess Leia’s and Luke Skywalker’s mother?

This is a New Adult Paranormal and Science Fiction Parody based on #1 Bestselling series


Hit #1 in the Amazon Humor > Parody category

Excerpt:


“Open the door to Princess Lela’s cell,” said Cater to the guard. Cater stomped loudly in. On the bunk sat Princess Lela, carefully coiling her hair into bun shapes on each side of her head. Cater shook his head. Kids these days with their fad hairstyles.

“I hope you find our accommodations adequate,” snickered Cater as he stood towering over Lela.

“Yes, thank you.” Princess Lela said with no hint of sarcasm. “The guards have been very kind.”

“Really? You like eating cold mush three meals a day?”

“I was sick of my low carbohydrate diet.”

“You like sleeping on a rock hard bed.”

“It’s good for my back.”

“You don’t mind the 24 hour security camera focused on you.”

“Oh, I did that before, for my webcast. It got high ratings.”

“Hmm, maybe I should move in here if it’s so comfortable,” said Cater putting his chin in his hand, and looking around the cell. He could add some comfy throw pillows and a breakfast nook. Plus, he could store his action figure collection above the security camera. Cater shook his head and focused on the task at hand. He leaned menacing over Lela.

“Tell me where the rebel base is, or I will force you to move from this great prison cell to a luxury apartment with a soft bed.”

“Tempting, but no,” said Lela.

“Come now, Lela. If you don’t tell me, Darkin will use electricity on your legs.”

“I’ve already done that to get rid of leg hair,” said Lela.

Cater looked surprised. “Does that work?” He looked down at his legs. Would VQ, Villain Quarterly, like his legs better if they were bald? It might work better with his Roman mini tunic outfit.

Returning to the interrogation, Cater looked back at Lela. “Well, if you’re used to electricity on your legs, then Darkin will use electricity on your face!”

“I already do that for wrinkles. Haven’t you heard of Suzanne Somers’ Facemaster?”

“No, but I use her Thighmaster.

“I can tell.”

“Thanks.” Cater swelled with pride. It was worth it to spend hours working on his inner thighs. “Okay then, if the electricity doesn’t work, then Darkin will pour hot wax over you. You’ll talk when it hits your crotch.”

Lela started to say something.

“Wait, let me guess,” said Cater. “You’ve already done that.”

“To clean up my bikini line. Bathing suits are so tiny nowadays.”

“I know,” said Cater going dreamy eyed inside of his mask.

“Lord Cater,” said the guard. “Darkin texted us a message asking if you have the location of the rebel base.”

Cater turned to the guard outside. “She is stubborn, bring in the Convince-o-droid!”

“Not the Convince-o-droid, sir, it’s too terrible,” said the guard going pale. “She’s a lady.”

“Send the droid in, or else I’ll use it on you.”

“Yes, sir, immediately.”

A strange humming noise echoed down the corridor, and became louder as it came closer. Lela looked towards her cell door. A hovering round metal robot floated in. Lela’s eyes zoomed in on the huge syringe in its cruel metal hand.

“Intimidating, isn’t it,” said Cater. “Now tell me where the rebel base is or feel the droid’s sting.”

Lela backed away from the syringe, until she was against the cold cell wall. She could go no further.

“I don’t know where the rebel base is!”

“Inject!” yelled Cater to the Convince-o-droid. The droid rushed towards Lela.
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 Click the Image "Twilight of the Star Vampires" on Amazon Below for a free copy. You don't need a Kindle to read it. See the free app link below to read Amazon Kindle books on your laptop, tablet, phone, or desktop.
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Paula Sunsong is author of "Twilight of the Star Vampires" a parody of Star Wars, Star Trek and Twilight, and of "Twilight Daybreak" a sequel send up of Breaking Dawn. She also wrote "The Missing Princess of Egypt". Sunsong has worked as a reporter, private investigator, and worked on two films that went to the Sundance Film Festival.


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