It asks the age
old questions: Can a Jetti knight find love with a Klingon vampire? What if
Chewbaca was a werewolf? Will Edward defy his vampire instincts and satisfy his
desire in a different way with Padma, Princess Leia’s and Luke Skywalker’s
mother?
This is a New Adult Paranormal
and Science Fiction Parody based on #1 Bestselling series
Hit #1 in the Amazon Humor > Parody category
Excerpt:
“Open the door to Princess Lela’s cell,” said Cater to the
guard. Cater stomped loudly in. On the bunk sat Princess Lela, carefully
coiling her hair into bun shapes on each side of her head. Cater shook his
head. Kids these days with their fad hairstyles.
“I hope you find our accommodations adequate,” snickered
Cater as he stood towering over Lela.
“Yes, thank you.” Princess Lela said with no hint of
sarcasm. “The guards have been very kind.”
“Really? You like eating cold mush three meals a day?”
“I was sick of my low carbohydrate diet.”
“You like sleeping on a rock hard bed.”
“It’s good for my back.”
“You don’t mind the 24 hour security camera focused on you.”
“Oh, I did that before, for my webcast. It got high
ratings.”
“Hmm, maybe I should move in here if it’s so comfortable,”
said Cater putting his chin in his hand, and looking around the cell. He could
add some comfy throw pillows and a breakfast nook. Plus, he could store his
action figure collection above the security camera. Cater shook his head and
focused on the task at hand. He leaned menacing over Lela.
“Tell me where the rebel base is, or I will force you to
move from this great prison cell to a luxury apartment with a soft bed.”
“Tempting, but no,” said Lela.
“Come now, Lela. If you don’t tell me, Darkin will use
electricity on your legs.”
“I’ve already done that to get rid of leg hair,” said Lela.
Cater looked surprised. “Does that work?” He looked down at
his legs. Would VQ, Villain Quarterly, like his legs better if they were bald?
It might work better with his Roman mini tunic outfit.
Returning to the interrogation, Cater looked back at Lela.
“Well, if you’re used to electricity on your legs, then Darkin will use
electricity on your face!”
“I already do that for wrinkles. Haven’t you heard of
Suzanne Somers’ Facemaster?”
“No, but I use her Thighmaster.
“I can tell.”
“Thanks.” Cater swelled with pride. It was worth it to spend
hours working on his inner thighs. “Okay then, if the electricity doesn’t work,
then Darkin will pour hot wax over you. You’ll talk when it hits your crotch.”
Lela started to say something.
“Wait, let me guess,” said Cater. “You’ve already done
that.”
“To clean up my bikini line. Bathing suits are so tiny
nowadays.”
“I know,” said Cater going dreamy eyed inside of his mask.
“Lord Cater,” said the guard. “Darkin texted us a message
asking if you have the location of the rebel base.”
Cater turned to the guard outside. “She is stubborn, bring
in the Convince-o-droid!”
“Not the Convince-o-droid, sir, it’s too terrible,” said the
guard going pale. “She’s a lady.”
“Send the droid in, or else I’ll use it on you.”
“Yes, sir, immediately.”
A strange humming noise echoed down the corridor, and became
louder as it came closer. Lela looked towards her cell door. A hovering round
metal robot floated in. Lela’s eyes zoomed in on the huge syringe in its cruel
metal hand.
“Intimidating, isn’t it,” said Cater. “Now tell me where the
rebel base is or feel the droid’s sting.”
Lela backed away from the syringe, until she was against the
cold cell wall. She could go no further.
“I don’t know where the rebel base is!”
“Inject!” yelled Cater to the Convince-o-droid. The droid
rushed towards Lela.
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Paula Sunsong is author of "Twilight of the Star Vampires" a parody of Star Wars, Star Trek and Twilight, and of "Twilight Daybreak" a sequel send up of Breaking Dawn. She also wrote "The Missing Princess of Egypt". Sunsong has worked as a reporter, private investigator, and worked on two films that went to the Sundance Film Festival.
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